Post 83: Multidating or multiwaiting:

Three years.  It’s been three years since I have written a post here. I think one of the biggest reasons is the fear that the men and women will recognize who I am writing about, and despite changing names and places, they will be insulted.  My friendships are worth more than exposure to a low-traffic blog somewhere in hyperspace.

Do people even use the word hyperspace anymore?  Sounds so 90s.  So what has happened in three years.  My son graduated from high school and entered the army.  He no longer needs babysitters.  As a matter of fact, he babysits other children himself.

In the year he lived away from home, you would think I would have  had a boyfriend. Someone I could hold tight and keep me warm at night.

But that was not the case.  A few flings, or dalliances, as one psychic woman in Colorado predicted would happen.  No great love, but perhaps a growing self love.

I have learned to dance salsa.  I learned to love myself more.  I learned to be happy without having to have a boyfriend.

I learned that casual sex is not such a terrible thing if the alternative is celibacy for more than a year.

I’ve learned that sometimes you just don’t have time for a boyfriend.

But I’ve also learned to live your dreams TODAY.  I traveled for two months when I had a chance. 

There were times of a lot of sex.  And there were times of no sex.

But most of all there were friends and family.  Loving friends who stood by me when I was sick and when I was flying high, and not on drugs.

I’ve got loads of stories…of two friends dating the same guy and not knowing about it until later, younger men, open marriages, marriages without sex and so many more, but I can’t really tell them here.

So, where will I take this blog? 

This writer will continue not to write about no sex until she finds a solution.

Post 76: The Guy with the White Hair

Post 76: The Guy with the White Hair


Another winter was approaching and it was 2 years since my boyfriend and I had split up. There was absolutely no way I was going to enter my third winter without a boyfriend. Therefore, in order to brace myself for the stormy and rainy weather, I had the end of October as my goal in meeting Mr. Right...or at least Mr. Warm.

But my father passed away in September, putting a bit of a damper on my plans. Maybe he's in another world somewhere setting my sister and I up, but somehow I think he has more important things to do with his soul, wherever it might be. So October 31 came around and I did meet a divorced man who has a grown child. My friend set him up with me. Problem was he used to go out with her, and I just didn't think it was appropriate. Secondly, he wasn't interested in me, or anyone for that matter, as he just lost his entire business and was depressed.

November came along and I met someone whom I thought was my soul mate. Attractive, intelligent, communicative and sensitive...but yes, you guessed it, another bachelor who wanted to get married and have a family...and not with me.

A girlfriend visiting from the U.S. had a vision that I would meet an older man with white hair, and that I wouldn't be attracted to him at first. We would meet at an event that evolves around common interests, something intellectual.

So last night, I was invited to a house concert in the living room of a friend. It was a very intimate environment as some people had cancelled becuase of the storm. Indeed most of the men who arrived showed up in couples - no not gay couples, but with another woman. After the intermission, a voice of a man entered the living room and apologized for being late, and took a seat beside the host. I turned around to hear where the voice was coming from. The man was older than me, rather short, but indeed had white hair. I took a closer look and saw that he wasn't a man at all but a puppet that the host had brought in to entertain us.

It's now December. Looks like this writer will have to stick with her imaginary boyfriends for now.

Objects to Sleep with but No Sex Objects

Post 16 : Objects to Sleep with but No Sex Objects

originally created as Column Sixteen, November 2000

Note: this was written in the fall - hard to believe with the weather the way it is in Israel today in June!

Unlike my native Canada where there are six seasons, (spring, summer, Indian summer, fall, winter, and deep freeze), Israel has two seasons – summer and winter. The transitional period can happen within a few hours after the first serious rainfall and then the sandals disappear, the umbrellas and boots come out of hiding and there is a lot more closet space because the blankets on the beds are thicker. With the extreme of temperatures emerge also colds, viruses and aches and pains in places long forgotten. For example, a stiff neck or sore shoulder.

A boyfriend would definitely solve this problem. We could both massage each other’s sore muscles and maybe use other muscles not exercised in awhile. There would be no need to buy an electric blanket or let the space heater work overtime. But let’s face the facts. Not only did Israel experience a draught this year, but my Dafna, Liat and I have also been imitating camels. Even camels have their limits on how long they can last without water! Liat went all the way to Africa to look for a boyfriend and after seeing more animals than one can imagine she is courting a mammal of the human variety. Dafna has dogs and cats at home, but hasn’t managed to get to a second date lately. I’ve made it to the second date but can’t get to the third. Yet I’m the one born in Canada who is more sensitive to the cold than my sabra partners in celibacy.

So besides my son, who sometimes creeps into my bed when the sun shines through the shutters and wakes him up, I am left going to bed with a good book for my restlessness and a hot water bottle for my stiff neck. I’ve fantasized about several potential bed partners, but never a hot water bottle. That’s why my imaginary boyfriend is looking better all the time.

This writer hopes that this winter she will be able to toss off her blankets and quilts in search of cuddlier covers.