Post 68: Closing the Blinds
This post is based on a story told to me by one of my single friends.
Gad recently moved out of his girlfriend's house and had not been dating in years. He wasn't signed up on any of the dating sites yet, but, as he is a man, his friends immediately started to set him up once the word was out that he was "available" again.
Gad didn't know that there were best practices for blind dates. First of all, the date, Limor, cancelled a few times before they actually met. She never sent him a picture by email...but then again neither did he, but she sounded nice enough, and he knew that he had to take the plunge. After cancelling twice, she finally called him and they set a place and time to meet, half way between their homes, at a scenic restaurant overlooking a nature reserve in northern Israel.
I already warned Gad not to base his evening around this date, because if it was good, they would be tempted to go on talking all night..and jump to things perhaps too soon and not very gentlemanly....but if it was bad, the evening would still be free, and both Gad and Limor could do something "normal" that was not a blind date.
They finally met one afternoon and Gad felt nothing. He wasn't attracted physically and the conversation did not flow. But he made the mistake of picking her up in his car and driving her home afterwards. Plus she had his home number and he had hers. He did not want to see her again and made that clear...that is, he didn't say he had a good time and did not ask her when she was free. Phew, all well's that end's well....so he thought.
The next day Gad heard strange sounds coming from his telephone while driving. "A text message", he thought, and continued driving, enjoying the new music he had downloaded. A few days later the strange sounds were emitted again, but Gad's phone was turned off, so he couldn't figure it out. Was it from the radio? His new MP3 player?
When he got home, he looked under the car seats, and sure enough, there it was. Limor's phone. He would now have to call her. The problem was that she no longer had a cellphone so coordinating the return of the phone would be difficult. He drove by her home one evening but she didn't answer her home phone. I suppose he could have dropped the phone in her mailbox, but for some reason, that didn't happen.
Although Limor had already cancelled the phone service, the actual phone was expensive, so she still wanted it back. Gad had a busy month at work and was not going to be near her city again. So Limor dropped by Gad's house one evening. Gad had his sons visiting (who were not thrilled to know that he was already dating so soon after the breakup from his recent girlfriend whom they liked very much), as well as some guests. Gad was busy with a work-related call in another room, and asked his son and guests to keep Limor entertained. Her phone was in his car, so he would have to leave his house and give the phone to her.
When Gad entered the living room, he couldn't believe his eyes. Limor suddenly was made up, her hair was dyed a different color and she had lost 5 kilos. Wrong! Limor was just as unattractive as the first time and... it gets worse. Instead of waiting patiently in the doorway or seated quietly while Gad was finished with his business, she was walking around the living room of his house (did I mention this was the FIRST time in his house?) straightening out his pictures on the wall!
Gad escorted Limor to his car as quickly as possible and gave her back her phone. This blind date ended up into a few-week long relationship that he did not plan or want.
This writer wants men to know that when it comes to getting rid of blind dates, remember that you're not always off the hook.
Showing posts with label blind dates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blind dates. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Post 52: Double Dating in the Same City
Did I ever mention that I hate blind dates? Maybe one of the reasons I stayed with my (ex) boyfriend for three years was to avoid having to go on any more blind dates. I know quite a few people who actually met their boyfriend or husband through the internet, subsequently on a blind date, and are still with the same partner today.....so I know that there is a success rate.
Looking back on all the long-term boyfriend (and one-term ex husband) that I had, I met none of them through a blind date. I met my ex husband at work (a Gulf War romance). The "rebound" relationship boyfriend was actually someone I met while I was still married. We used to hike together with another friend and my ex husband, before I was even pregnant. Shortly after my divorce, I asked my mutual friend about him - let's call him Boaz and we met him. The mutual friend did me a bit of a favor by mentioning that I was divorced, but not mentioning that I had a baby. In retrospect, he was right. At the time of my divorce, thanks to stress and breastfeeding, I weighed about 54 kilos and did not have a problem attracting men. Twelve years later and 15 kilos more, it's not as easy, and certain men still seem to think that women over 40 can stay 54 kilos throughout their lifetime.
After the rebound relationship, or perhaps during it, I met my next boyfriend. This one lasted three years or so, and we did not meet through a blind date. We met through a social networking event. I was convinced that it was a work related networking event, but he knew that it was social. I found him arrogant. He found me.....hm.m.....don't remember, attractive but....? I'll have to ask him......A few months later I was at a concert with a girlfriend and he approached me with the pretense of joining the choir we both sang with. He never did join the choir.
Years later, after many blind dates, a few flings, one speed dating event and a few parties, I met my next boyfriend on a hike with a few other friends. This relationship lasted a few months, but he was a bachelor and a Cohen, and couldn't marry a divorcee by Jewish law, among other things.
A few years later, I met my previous boyfriend at a party of a mutual friend. It was actually our boys who helped get us together.
The point of relating a quick history of these relationships is to prove that I didn't meet on a blind date. As a matter of fact, I don't think any of these past boyfriends+ one husband would've "passed" the blind date test. One smoked (originally, until he met me, although he denies that I influenced him to quit); the rebound guy was a bachelor and not interested in a divorcee with a baby (he didn't find out about the baby until he was already 'attracted' to me); the next was too arrogant (his courting powers and persistence made up for that later in time); the next another bachelor and rather shy (his kind soul and the cold of the winter+pushy friends that wanted us together made up for that) and the last one lived so far away that I would never have agreed to go on a blind date with him in the first place.
They say that woman plans and G-d laughs......and here I am many years later and met a nice guy in a park a few months ago. He smoked and was younger than me, but we had a good conversation and he suggested that I meet an older friend of his, non-smoker, also divorced with a boy in my neck of the woods.
A few months later, after my breakup was official and I felt ready to hit the "singles' scene again, I gave the park guy a call, and he made the necessary connection. Problem was that it was winter, and the weekly music evenings in the park were on hold. There was no way I could meet the new guy, "Herzl" in the park, and there wasn't really an appropriate hike in the near future. It turned out that he visited his son in one of the nearby cities at the same time that my son was at our family therapist, in the same city.
By some strange timing, I managed to meet him at a cafe for an hour at the same time that my son was at his therapist's house.....this meant it was a blind date. ....I had just finished my cataract surgery, and didn't put on any eye makeup nor was able to pluck my eyebrows, but it was dark, and maybe Herzl wouldn't notice. i hate blind dates anyway, so I thought that the best thing would be to get this over with.
As I sat down, i couldn't believe my eyes. What were the chances? In walked a woman I had only recently met at one of my extracurricular activities. She didn't live in this particular city either! And I had just met her boyfriend, so who was the guy she was with?
Her brother-in-law? Her son? It was dark, so I really couldn't tell. A few weeks later, I ran into her and she told me that she had split up with her boyfriend, and that this was a blind date!
Now what were the chances? Double dating in the same city! On a week night?
Apparently, they had about three dates. I just had the one. Herzl complimented me but I just didn't feel the same. Had I met him at a workshop, hike, party or at work, maybe I would've felt differently. He didn't call me again, so I didn't have to decide.
I'm probably still not ready.
This writer survived her first blind date in three years...but she is probably going to give the dating season a break for now...at least for the next week Tomorrow she's having breakfast with a girlfriend she hasn't seen in months...but at least it's not a blind date!
Looking back on all the long-term boyfriend (and one-term ex husband) that I had, I met none of them through a blind date. I met my ex husband at work (a Gulf War romance). The "rebound" relationship boyfriend was actually someone I met while I was still married. We used to hike together with another friend and my ex husband, before I was even pregnant. Shortly after my divorce, I asked my mutual friend about him - let's call him Boaz and we met him. The mutual friend did me a bit of a favor by mentioning that I was divorced, but not mentioning that I had a baby. In retrospect, he was right. At the time of my divorce, thanks to stress and breastfeeding, I weighed about 54 kilos and did not have a problem attracting men. Twelve years later and 15 kilos more, it's not as easy, and certain men still seem to think that women over 40 can stay 54 kilos throughout their lifetime.
After the rebound relationship, or perhaps during it, I met my next boyfriend. This one lasted three years or so, and we did not meet through a blind date. We met through a social networking event. I was convinced that it was a work related networking event, but he knew that it was social. I found him arrogant. He found me.....hm.m.....don't remember, attractive but....? I'll have to ask him......A few months later I was at a concert with a girlfriend and he approached me with the pretense of joining the choir we both sang with. He never did join the choir.
Years later, after many blind dates, a few flings, one speed dating event and a few parties, I met my next boyfriend on a hike with a few other friends. This relationship lasted a few months, but he was a bachelor and a Cohen, and couldn't marry a divorcee by Jewish law, among other things.
A few years later, I met my previous boyfriend at a party of a mutual friend. It was actually our boys who helped get us together.
The point of relating a quick history of these relationships is to prove that I didn't meet on a blind date. As a matter of fact, I don't think any of these past boyfriends+ one husband would've "passed" the blind date test. One smoked (originally, until he met me, although he denies that I influenced him to quit); the rebound guy was a bachelor and not interested in a divorcee with a baby (he didn't find out about the baby until he was already 'attracted' to me); the next was too arrogant (his courting powers and persistence made up for that later in time); the next another bachelor and rather shy (his kind soul and the cold of the winter+pushy friends that wanted us together made up for that) and the last one lived so far away that I would never have agreed to go on a blind date with him in the first place.
They say that woman plans and G-d laughs......and here I am many years later and met a nice guy in a park a few months ago. He smoked and was younger than me, but we had a good conversation and he suggested that I meet an older friend of his, non-smoker, also divorced with a boy in my neck of the woods.
A few months later, after my breakup was official and I felt ready to hit the "singles' scene again, I gave the park guy a call, and he made the necessary connection. Problem was that it was winter, and the weekly music evenings in the park were on hold. There was no way I could meet the new guy, "Herzl" in the park, and there wasn't really an appropriate hike in the near future. It turned out that he visited his son in one of the nearby cities at the same time that my son was at our family therapist, in the same city.
By some strange timing, I managed to meet him at a cafe for an hour at the same time that my son was at his therapist's house.....this meant it was a blind date. ....I had just finished my cataract surgery, and didn't put on any eye makeup nor was able to pluck my eyebrows, but it was dark, and maybe Herzl wouldn't notice. i hate blind dates anyway, so I thought that the best thing would be to get this over with.
As I sat down, i couldn't believe my eyes. What were the chances? In walked a woman I had only recently met at one of my extracurricular activities. She didn't live in this particular city either! And I had just met her boyfriend, so who was the guy she was with?
Her brother-in-law? Her son? It was dark, so I really couldn't tell. A few weeks later, I ran into her and she told me that she had split up with her boyfriend, and that this was a blind date!
Now what were the chances? Double dating in the same city! On a week night?
Apparently, they had about three dates. I just had the one. Herzl complimented me but I just didn't feel the same. Had I met him at a workshop, hike, party or at work, maybe I would've felt differently. He didn't call me again, so I didn't have to decide.
I'm probably still not ready.
This writer survived her first blind date in three years...but she is probably going to give the dating season a break for now...at least for the next week Tomorrow she's having breakfast with a girlfriend she hasn't seen in months...but at least it's not a blind date!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Post 17: Coffee, Watermelon or Spaghetti Bolognaise
first created as column 17, November, 2000
Those of you who have been faithful readers know that since my cooking talents are rather limited, to say the least, I am convinced that the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach. Some women have a weakness for blue eyes, some for men in uniforms. I admit it – my weakness is men who cook. And there seem to be many.
Finally, Friday night I had a chance to have sex, but I have been keeping myself so busy lately that I already had plans with Liat to go to a concert. Alon, a man I had gone out with months ago, invited me for dinner – but not out for dinner – to dinner that he had cooked himself, spaghetti bolognaise in fact. Once upon a time when a man wanted to have sex with a woman, he would invite her to his apartment for “coffee”. In the summer, it’s sometimes called “watermelon”. Now in the age when men cook, it has progressed to “spaghetti”.
The lack of sex in my life has become so depressing, that I simply have scheduled my free evenings (which are every second Friday night, when my son is with his father), a long time in advance. I don’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t interested in a relationship other than a sexual one, and although it would be nice, I might get hurt.
But when the invitation actually came, and I refused I felt a bit disappointed. I didn’t know whether to feel cheap that this guy was asking me over for a home-cooked meal after three months of not hearing from him, or whether to feel flattered that he still thought about me. I told him I needed a lot more notice than the same-night invitation, and was glad that he realized I was a woman in demand (for all he knows I was busy with another man).
The concert I saw with Liat was quite enjoyable, and I do not regret going with her by any means. When I checked my messages that night, there was one from an ex-boyfriend who wasn’t asleep yet, and invited me to drop in on my way home from Tel Aviv. It was 2 am when I checked the messages, and he had called at midnight, so I decided that it was way too late to call him back. Two offers in one night. And a few days later, a blind date I went out with called me and invited me to go out on a second date. Hey, I might be on a roll.
But what will happen when I actually have sex and/or a boyfriend? Will I stop writing? The whole point of this column is that there is no sex in the city, but I don’t think I’ll stop writing at least until Liat, Dafna and I all get a third date.
Finally, Friday night I had a chance to have sex, but I have been keeping myself so busy lately that I already had plans with Liat to go to a concert. Alon, a man I had gone out with months ago, invited me for dinner – but not out for dinner – to dinner that he had cooked himself, spaghetti bolognaise in fact. Once upon a time when a man wanted to have sex with a woman, he would invite her to his apartment for “coffee”. In the summer, it’s sometimes called “watermelon”. Now in the age when men cook, it has progressed to “spaghetti”.
The lack of sex in my life has become so depressing, that I simply have scheduled my free evenings (which are every second Friday night, when my son is with his father), a long time in advance. I don’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t interested in a relationship other than a sexual one, and although it would be nice, I might get hurt.
But when the invitation actually came, and I refused I felt a bit disappointed. I didn’t know whether to feel cheap that this guy was asking me over for a home-cooked meal after three months of not hearing from him, or whether to feel flattered that he still thought about me. I told him I needed a lot more notice than the same-night invitation, and was glad that he realized I was a woman in demand (for all he knows I was busy with another man).
The concert I saw with Liat was quite enjoyable, and I do not regret going with her by any means. When I checked my messages that night, there was one from an ex-boyfriend who wasn’t asleep yet, and invited me to drop in on my way home from Tel Aviv. It was 2 am when I checked the messages, and he had called at midnight, so I decided that it was way too late to call him back. Two offers in one night. And a few days later, a blind date I went out with called me and invited me to go out on a second date. Hey, I might be on a roll.
But what will happen when I actually have sex and/or a boyfriend? Will I stop writing? The whole point of this column is that there is no sex in the city, but I don’t think I’ll stop writing at least until Liat, Dafna and I all get a third date.
During her lunch break on Sunday, this writer ordered pasta on her lunch break on Sunday, instead of tuna salad. She could have chosen to have a full stomach on Friday night, but might have woken up Saturday morning with an empty heart.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Post 13: Are you Selling Your Car?
originally created as Column 13, November, 2000
Every so often it happens that my car suddenly increases its market value. I’ve been driving it for 10 years and intend to drive it until it dies. It has significantly broken down before I’ve had a blind date. A sane person would cancel her blind date and take care of her car, but I saw it as an omen and left my car overnight to wait for the tow truck and went on the blind date anyway. It turned out to be a very successful blind date that ended up being a few month relationship and I even got taken abroad by this man. And to think that if I had given in to the mechanical calls of my car, I never would have met this guy.
Since our relationship faded out, I haven’t had a boyfriend in months, let alone a third date. My car is soon due for its six-month tune-up, so maybe it is a sign I will meet a new man soon, and maybe send my imaginary boyfriend on a vacation. So why has my car increased its market value? It seems that certain men ask me if I am selling my car in order to start up with me. It happened today, just as I was feeling really lousy, had no make-up on and was extremely tired. Perhaps he thought I was wearing my “I don’t want a boyfriend” t-shirt, because the man who wanted to buy my car actually wanted to meet me. He was 48 going on 58 (that’s how old he looked) and simply unattractive. But I was so flattered that someone actually paid attention to my car and me that I agreed to take his phone number.
I sometimes fix up my friends if I meet a potentially suitable guy, so you never know. It turned out that he was divorced, non-smoker, with three grown children. This might not be the time of year for me to meet a new boyfriend, but it’s encouraging to know that I can sell my car. Or maybe it’s time to get a pet. I hear it’s easy to strike up a conversation with other pet owners. My car made it up the hills to Jerusalem last week but it’s still an uphill battle with the search for love and affection beyond self-love. No sex in this city tonight!
Today this writer’s nail polish matched the color of her car - perfectly. She can match her nail polish to her car but lately she can’t find a match of the opposite sex.
Every so often it happens that my car suddenly increases its market value. I’ve been driving it for 10 years and intend to drive it until it dies. It has significantly broken down before I’ve had a blind date. A sane person would cancel her blind date and take care of her car, but I saw it as an omen and left my car overnight to wait for the tow truck and went on the blind date anyway. It turned out to be a very successful blind date that ended up being a few month relationship and I even got taken abroad by this man. And to think that if I had given in to the mechanical calls of my car, I never would have met this guy.
Since our relationship faded out, I haven’t had a boyfriend in months, let alone a third date. My car is soon due for its six-month tune-up, so maybe it is a sign I will meet a new man soon, and maybe send my imaginary boyfriend on a vacation. So why has my car increased its market value? It seems that certain men ask me if I am selling my car in order to start up with me. It happened today, just as I was feeling really lousy, had no make-up on and was extremely tired. Perhaps he thought I was wearing my “I don’t want a boyfriend” t-shirt, because the man who wanted to buy my car actually wanted to meet me. He was 48 going on 58 (that’s how old he looked) and simply unattractive. But I was so flattered that someone actually paid attention to my car and me that I agreed to take his phone number.
I sometimes fix up my friends if I meet a potentially suitable guy, so you never know. It turned out that he was divorced, non-smoker, with three grown children. This might not be the time of year for me to meet a new boyfriend, but it’s encouraging to know that I can sell my car. Or maybe it’s time to get a pet. I hear it’s easy to strike up a conversation with other pet owners. My car made it up the hills to Jerusalem last week but it’s still an uphill battle with the search for love and affection beyond self-love. No sex in this city tonight!
Today this writer’s nail polish matched the color of her car - perfectly. She can match her nail polish to her car but lately she can’t find a match of the opposite sex.
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