Post 36: A 'cheep' (not cheap) overnight guest

originally created as Column 36, June 2003

A “cheep” (not cheap) Overnight Guest
NO SLEEP CAUSE OF CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP....

I couldn't sleep last night cause there was a loud chirp or beep beep beep
in my 9 year old son’s room all night. I thought it was his alarm clock or a plastic hammer or some other toy that you get if you order a children’s meal at McDonald's. But I couldn’t find any toys. Then I thought it might be a car alarm. It was driving me crazy and I couldn't sleep. I closed my door but it was really loud. I was up til 3 or 4 am. Then at 5 am my son came to my room and told me he couldn't sleep cause there was something chirping in his room. I said, it stopped...just stay in my room and we'll deal with it in the morning, so we slept for 2 hours and then in the morning., we went to his room and heard NOTHING.

I said to my son”, this is crazy, I need to find out what the noise was. I can't take another night of this cheep cheep cheep as loud as a car alarm. I took apart everything in his room and still.....silence....

Then we heard faintly again CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP....if it was a bird or a
housefly the thing would use its wings, and if it was a mouse, there would be droppings, and it was mechanical it wouldn't stop the minute I walked into the room …and then my son suddenly saw something and yelled “COCKROACH!!!!”

But Cockroaches don't sing. (They are actually quiet) It was a cricket!!!!

I ran for the RAID and finally killed him....

This writer is now relieved to see cockroaches sneaking around the kitchen at night. At least they don’t sing!

Post 2: Ex-boyfriends and cockroaches

originally created as column two, September, 2000

I was visiting an ex boyfriend late at night. I didn’t sleep with him, cause this is called “No Sex in the City” and I don’t want to go backwards. (Not that we didn’t want to have sex, but then I wouldn’t be able to write this)

I am looking for a lasting relationship, but I need a hug sometimes, and I won’t say that I didn’t hug him...Well, while we were talking and drinking peach and apricot juice, some flying cockroaches (Tel Aviv in August) decided to visit. Maybe it’s happy hour, I thought. One seemed to have extra long antennas – I thought maybe it was a messenger from the satellite company.... maybe that is the use of cockroaches – antennae.... perhaps they will replace mobile phones and transmit e-mails and phone messages between them. Imagine downloading your e-mail from a cockroach. Instead of a palm pilot, it will be a cockroach pilot.
He is an ex because his apartment is filthy and he was always late..but the mental connection will stay forever, even though he will always remain an ex. We sometimes sign our e-mails to each other “sexy exy”.

This writer has a few ex boyfriends and even more ex cockroaches.