Objects to Sleep with but No Sex Objects

Post 16 : Objects to Sleep with but No Sex Objects

originally created as Column Sixteen, November 2000

Note: this was written in the fall - hard to believe with the weather the way it is in Israel today in June!

Unlike my native Canada where there are six seasons, (spring, summer, Indian summer, fall, winter, and deep freeze), Israel has two seasons – summer and winter. The transitional period can happen within a few hours after the first serious rainfall and then the sandals disappear, the umbrellas and boots come out of hiding and there is a lot more closet space because the blankets on the beds are thicker. With the extreme of temperatures emerge also colds, viruses and aches and pains in places long forgotten. For example, a stiff neck or sore shoulder.

A boyfriend would definitely solve this problem. We could both massage each other’s sore muscles and maybe use other muscles not exercised in awhile. There would be no need to buy an electric blanket or let the space heater work overtime. But let’s face the facts. Not only did Israel experience a draught this year, but my Dafna, Liat and I have also been imitating camels. Even camels have their limits on how long they can last without water! Liat went all the way to Africa to look for a boyfriend and after seeing more animals than one can imagine she is courting a mammal of the human variety. Dafna has dogs and cats at home, but hasn’t managed to get to a second date lately. I’ve made it to the second date but can’t get to the third. Yet I’m the one born in Canada who is more sensitive to the cold than my sabra partners in celibacy.

So besides my son, who sometimes creeps into my bed when the sun shines through the shutters and wakes him up, I am left going to bed with a good book for my restlessness and a hot water bottle for my stiff neck. I’ve fantasized about several potential bed partners, but never a hot water bottle. That’s why my imaginary boyfriend is looking better all the time.

This writer hopes that this winter she will be able to toss off her blankets and quilts in search of cuddlier covers.