Post 12: Imaginary Boyfriend

originally created as Column Twelve, November, 2000

Imaginary Boyfriend


I have had a really great boyfriend for the past year. He’s always available to join me as a date for a wedding or other social event where “couples” are called for. He’s a great partner in a hotel bed, and doesn’t steal my blanket. He’s a great listener and a respectable male role model for my son. He sits in the front seat of my car next to me. He doesn’t make comments about my driving, and he doesn’t object when I stop and ask someone for directions. He doesn’t drop socks in my living room, or leave dishes in my kitchen sink. He is never late and he never forgets my birthday.

The problem is that he is fictitious, but at least he doesn’t complain that I am using him. At least I know that when there is no sex in the city and no real dates, there is always my imaginary boyfriend. Now, if I could just get him to pay some child support, he’d be even better than an ex husband! My brother says that children are just expensive house pets, so what’s a boyfriend?

This writer has been accused of being a relationship addict. What nonsense! She never thinks about boyfriends. She never invents boyfriends. She never fantasizes about boyfriends, and she never, ever writes about boyfriends.