Post 50: Detach Yourself from the Wanting

created in the present, January, 2009

"Detach Yourself from the Wanting", my sister in Canada told me. Easy to say, I thought, after coming out of a three year relationship which I haven't written much about here, because this blog is about NO SEX IN THE CITY....and since I actually had sex during the past three years, I will eventually revisit the three-year era, but not when I am still recovering...healing....

I realized a few weeks ago that it enough was enough. I don't miss the ex, but I miss the GOOD parts of the relationship, which means the sex, the hugging, the kissing, the warmth. And I do NOT like being back in the singles "market", although sometimes it's nice....kind of like being in the produce section of the supermarket - so many fruit and vegetables - some are damaged, some have food coloring, some are paler, and some just melt into your hands....only problem is that I am a fire sign.....never believed much in horoscopes, but I spent the last 3 years with a guy whose birthday falls 2 days before mine...fire and fire....and it was....

And being a fire sign, it's annoying to have to go back to the "Rules" (read the books - there are Rules I and Rules II - i should be a good girl and put the links in to the websites for these books, but it's late at night, and so I am not following the proper blog etiquette - is there blog etiquette???) The other thing is that I am recovering from cataract surgery.

"Aren't you too young to be having cataract surgery?"

Answer: No

The question should be : "Do young people get cataract surgery?"

Answer: Yes

Next question I have got asked recently:

"Why don't you have wrinkles?"

Answer: I don't know, but I have cataracts,. Want to switch?

So this eye surgery had an interesting effect on me. On the one hand, I got to do a lot of walking and lost some weight, not being able to drive for a week.

On the other hand, I was CURFEWED. I am not religious and there is no public transportation on the sabbath in Israel, so I couldn't hike (and risk getting dust in my eye) and I couldn't drive. And there was one guy I knew whose children were at their mother's home this weekend....but

a. he wouldn't be able to kiss me on one side of my face
b. I couldn't drive to his place
c. he couldn't drive to my place since there was no way that I was going to introduce him to my son, giving that he was NOT going to end up being my boyfriend

So he stayed my imaginary boyfriend...back I go to the beginning of this blog, back to the year 2000 when I first thought of printing my T-shirt "I don't want a boyfriend".

My new technique to avoid blind dates, is to meet someone through the internet or through a friend and then invite him to a hike. This way, if we don't get on, we still get to enjoy the hike and meet other people at the same time....and I don't have to sit in yet another coffee house with the same ridiculous questions:

1. Why did you move to Israel?
Desired but unstated answer: Would you like to live in -40 degrees?
2. Which is better, Israel or Canada?
Desired but unstated answer: Depends - which do you prefer, missiles, terrorists, or drive by shootings.
3. Why do you still have an accent in Hebrew?
Desired but unstated answer: 'Cause I wasn't born here. Why do you have an accent in English?
4. What, you don't have ANY family in Israel?
Desired but unstated answer: No, I said that I immigrated by myself. Do you want to date me or my family?
5. Does your son see his father?
Desired but unstated answer: Not a lot, so if you ever want to meet in private, it will have to be at your place
6. What do you mean.....why doesn't he see him?
Desired but unstated answer I'll give you his phone number (my ex husband) - you can ask him.
7. Do you know that you are really nice and empathetic? Has anyone told you that?
Desired but unstated answer: You haven't seen me in the morning. And that's why we are in a dimly lit coffee shop.

I think I'll continue with this list in future posts...this is fun.

Seriously though, I actually had a blind date today. Since my eye isn't completely healed yet, I didn't wear eye makeup and I'm not allowed to pluck my eyebrows...so I just hope he doesn't notice...and I don't think he did.

My sister told me to detach myself from the wanting...but it's not a blind date that I want, but something greater, the return of fire with fire, warmth with warmth, fun with fun, and hugs and kisses that really mean something mutual, not a motion to lead to sex, but of true mutual compassion.

Will this writer get a second date? And does she even want one? She thinks her next date will be with the eye surgeon who can really see things as they are.....